Trainyard © 2010 Matt Rix: I Never Knew Trains Could Be So Pretty (0.99)

Matt Rix, the criminal mastermind behind the puzzle game known as “Trainyard”, has given birth to an indescribable terror.  The game, which has risen to #3 in the App Store charts, has destroyed the minds of many mature adults.  Now, these adults find themselves glued to small screens, desperately completing puzzle after puzzle, unable to take their fingers off of their idevices.  I too, have been infected with what I will be calling “Rixitis”.  This innocent puzzler is packed with content that will keep gamers busy for many an hour, and then many more after that.  Matt Rix, I will pray to you AS THOUGH YOU WERE A GOD.

Graphics: Perfect for this simple yet challenging puzzler.  Trains come in many different colours, which race around the beautiful faded backgrounds on tracks.   Everything looks perfect, and fits the rest of the design.  Nothing is cluttered, and the many levels are easy to navigate.

Controls: Simple.  One must use a finger to draw paths for the train to follow.  Unfortunately, my fingers are so indescribably large that I often screw up my tracks.  Luckily, there is an erasing tool which often comes in handy.  The developer even went to the trouble of making tutorials to help the gamer learn the rules of the game through handy introductory films.

Gameplay: Draw a path for the train(s) to follow, to get the train into its specified docking station according to its colour.  Repeat.  This may seem simple, but Matt Rix introduces many different puzzling elements.  Different trains may be combined to make new colours, to fit the colour of the docking station.  Tracks can be split into multiple paths; these paths will switch when a train runs over that section of the track, letting the next train take a different route.  All of these elements combine to make a truly unparalleled puzzle experience, one that I will enjoy for a long time.

Recap: This puzzle game is packed with over 100 levels, and has perfect graphics, easy controls, and great gameplay.  Plus, they focus around trains, which are my favourite things in the whole wide world.  Yes, I can see that this game will live a long and happy life on my iPod.

Graphics: 10/10    Controls: 8.5/10    Gameplay: 10/10    Overall: 9/10

Sincerely,

The Saber-Toothed Haggis                                                                                

Cut the Rope © ZeptoLab: Spend 0.99 Once, Get Om Nom For Life

This week has been quite the week for ZeptoLab, with their release of Cut the Rope, which has risen to one million paid downloads.  It has immediately topped the app store with its realistic physics, beautiful visuals and engaging gameplay.  You, the gamer, are entrusted into the care of Om Nom, a curious green creature who has an appetite for candy.  Lots and lots of candy.  I mean seriously, there’s got to be a disease from eating this much candy.  As the title says, one must sever multiple ropes in order to feed Om Nom the candy.  In our opinion, ZeptoLab has come a long way from Parachute Ninja, which had the same art style but very different gameplay.  So, how does this puzzler compare with ZeptoLab’s former release?

Graphics: Great.  It’s not often that we find an art style quite as smooth and realistic as ZeptoLab’s.  Everything is beautiful, from the box background to the many different items and obstacles that can help or hinder you in the game.  This is true eye-candy, if you will pardon the pun.

Controls: Simple to use; slicing cuts the rope, tapping pops bubbles, etc.  For the most part, these controls are extremely easy to use.  We found them frustrating at a few moments; for example, at some points, when attempting to perform an action, another action may be accomplished instead.  We often popped bubbles accidentally when trying to drag a slider, if the bubble was close to the slider in question.  For the most part however, these controls work quite well.  We preferred the tilting controls of Parachute Ninja, although we understand that these are very different games.

Gameplay: Wonderful.  100 engaging levels provide excellent value, and each level contains a different and intriguing puzzle to wrap one’s mind around.  The physics were excellent; the slicing motion is smooth, and the candy swings smoothly on its supports.  Ropes can also be used as slingshots, much like Parachute Ninja.  This is a great example of a great puzzler formula; take a simple idea, and develop many themes around the idea to keep it engaging yet simple.  Cut the Rope excels on all of these accounts; also, having a character to center a small background story on (Om Nom) really added to the experience.  This certainly deserved its 5 star ratings, in our opinion.  

Recap: Angry Birds, it seems as though you have been finally stumped.  This excellent puzzler combines a simple formula with great level design and realistic physics.  At a price of 0.99, this one is hard to miss.

Graphics: 10/10      Controls: 9/10      Gameplay: 10/10    Overall: 9.5/10

  

Sincerely,

The Saber-Toothed Haggis

Weekly App Approval: Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode 1 © Sega America

Haggis: Check it out!  Remember that game that we sorta thought would come out eventually but didn’t?!

Unicorn: Duke Nukem Forever?

Haggis: No.

Unicorn: My Little Pony vs. The Hulk?

Haggis: No.

Unicorn: Sonic 4?

Haggis: Yes!  It’s on idevices too!

Unicorn: All right!  Let’s check it out!

Haggis: It’s 9.99.

Unicorn: Jesus Christ.  Well, let’s empty our pockets.

Later…

Haggis: We’re… done.

Unicorn: We beat it?  It was kinda short.

Haggis: Well, the graphics are much improved over the other pathetic attempts at Sonic games released for iOS.  Unfortunately, the controls are implemented through a joystick, which is very hard to control.  I can see it working better on the PS3, but on the iPod… Euueuuuuuhhhh.

Unicorn: The boss battles were fantasmariffic, and the aerial targeting attack is absolutely awesome.  Unfortunately, this targeting attack is sometimes needed to get to parts of the levels (e.g. targeting an enemy on a higher platform to advance) which can get frustrating at times.

Haggis: All in all, however, we’re glad we shelled out 20 bucks.  A time-waster that was actually enjoyable, with great graphics that we can appreciate.  Sonic is hard to control, but awesome levels and great boss battles make up for it.  

Unicorn: Actually, it was 10 dollars.  I used the other 10 to buy soda.  

Haggis: *@#$^!#&$*#(@$&.

Status: APPROVED

This has been a joint product by The Saber-Toothed Haggis And The Unknown Unicorn.

Monster Fire © yanzhenhua: Kill Monsters With Guns… In 8 Bit!

This game is a 2d shooter, in which you shoot various monsters. The game really has no storyline what so ever; it is a very basic idea. Not much more to be said about that.

Graphics:  it features an 8bit style, which would be very cool if……… YOU COULD EVEN NOTICE. Everything in this game is so small that you can’t even tell that it is 8bit. It shocks me that they would make a game look so good but only noticeable while squinting. The camera view was a little too far out, if they had zoomed in more it would look a lot better. It would have made it more functional too. The game’s look got very stale; they should have had some more interesting backgrounds. This was one of the many weak points of the game.

Controls:  the control scheme is a dual joystick, one moves you and helps you jump; while the other aims’ your gun. It is an effective system, it always responds and is pretty much what you would expect. The control scheme is a high point for the game, it thrives on being a pickup and play experience. This is the upside to the game. There is not much else  going for it…… its not very fun.

Gameplay: Wow, does this game get boring fast. All you do in the game is shoot different monsters, they might change the monsters, they might give you upgrades, but it is repetitive boring bull crap. It is just shooting left and right, it never gets difficult and is never fun. The upgrades are not very interesting, and in fact are very generic. It isn’t fun; to put it into perspective, I preferred GARDENING MAMA (as far as gameplay goes). It made me sad, sad to waste 99 cents.  I don’t believe that anyone in the world should buy this game.

Graphics: 3/10    Controls: 7/10    Gameplay: -90/10

Overall: 1/10    GENUINELY HORRIBLE

Sincerely,

The Unknown Unicorn

Super Quickhook © 2010 Rocketcat Games: Who Knew Gnomes Could Wield Grappling Hooks? (2.99)

An enjoyable platformer starring you, Jakob the hooker, who swings through Eagle Mountain with his trusty grappling hook.  In the words of the devs:

“Conquer Eagle Mountain with the help of your trusty grappling hook. Swing and run your way through meadows, frost-tinged fields, ice caverns, volcanic caves, and more. Find secrets, loot, and special encounters. Race against your friends. Explore peaceful landscapes, or try to outrun an endless avalanche. QuickHook combines heavy replay value 

with deep variety!”

Graphics: Pure, 16-bit graphics allow for a retro yet newer experience much welcomed by me.  The moving backgrounds are well designed and flow beautifully.  Platforms, spikes, etc are all well-designed.  A pleasure to look at.

Controls: Simple, yet wonderful.  Tapping above and to the right of your character launches your grappling hook at a 45 degree angle, allowing you to control your swings with ease.  Buttons are spaced and uncluttered in an easy interface.  Frustration never truly stems from the controls, but mostly from your gameplay.  Easy to learn, difficult to master.

Gameplay: This is where the game shines.  Each level is different in its own right, and levels vary from icy mountains to underground caverns and fiery volcanoes.  Level design is well done, with columns nicely spaced to hook upon.  This is a game that can develop your skills; I first downloaded this game as a novice hooker, and had work my way up to being a grandmaster.  Another great addition is the Avalanche mode, which is a game in its own right; a wonderful mode for those that are fans of Canabalt and Robot Unicorn Attack.  

Recap: At 2.99, this is a definite buy.  What more is there to say?  Wonderful level design, perfect controls, and great 16-bit graphics… buy this game.

Graphics: 10/10 Controls: 10/10 Gameplay: 10/10

Overall: 10/10        MUST BUY!

Sincerely,

The Saber-Toothed Haggis

Blue Defense: Second Wave! © 2010, Cat in a Box Games: This Time, They’re Angrierer; Maybe Because You Only Gave Them 99 cents

In this simple yet wonderful shooter, you control a planet’s last defense, a solitary cannon used to defend against an alien race that I have dubbed ‘The Reds’.  You must fend off wave after wave of these evil creatures, and if one simple slip causes them to get past your defense… Well, it’s bye-bye planet, and hello assimilation.  That’s right, mother****ers, we’re into the Borg.

Graphics: A true gem stone in the app store.  The blue and red contrast perfectly, and the art style seems blended and smooth.  Wonderful to look at, and even more wonderful to experience first-hand.

Controls: Honestly, not bad.  You tilt your idevice to move the cannon, and firing is automatic.  It gets intense when there are aliens on all sides, and you have to desperately turn your idevice over and over to counter-attack.  We found this rather frustrating, as turning the iPod continuously made it hard to concentrate on the fighting.  Also, it didn’t do wonders for my arthritis (which I have received from playing the Impossible Game).  Once, I turned the iPod so violently that it flew out of my hands and into the wall.  Thankfully, one can use fingers to split the cannon’s fire into separate streams, which thins the rate of fire but allows you to shoot on all sides with multitouch. 

Gameplay: I can see this game living a long life on my iPod.  The sheer number of levels is enough to make the game last for many a year.  Levels are rarely repetitive; each wave has a new enemy, or a new formation of enemies.  One must constantly change strategies to outmaneuver the aliens, as each level requires a different tactic.  All levels are fun.  The content is incredible, including major boss fights, and multiple types of enemies.  

Recap:  Beautiful and smooth graphics, lots of content, engaging gameplay, and [interesting] controls make for a great addition to the shooter genre; yet it falls under its own category, for I have never played a game quite like it.  What more can you want for .99 cents?

Graphics: 10/10   Controls:  8/10   Gameplay: 10/10  

Overall: 9/10   All Your Base R Belong To Us

Sincerely,

The Saber-Toothed Haggis.

Ninja Chicken 2 © KONGZHONG CORPORATION: I still don’t understand how they are ninjas (you’ll understand this if you ever play the game)

So a clan of pigs has decided to attack the Ninja chickens…. AGAIN. The game has you, the chicken, defending yourself with a cannon against hordes of pigs. The pigs come in different types, and when you kill them some special items appear. The game features some cool graphic novels to tell the story. While they look very nice, I had no idea what was going on.

Graphics:  they are like graphic comics; not like a batman novel or a superman, but rather a Scott pilgrim or a kick-ass. Having a defined cartoon style. It looks good, and suits the game well, but nothing special. There are no problems with animations.

Controls: there are 3 control schemes. The first is basically tilting the iPod to slide the character and move. If you look at the picture of the game, you can tell this would be tedious and annoying. Your character slides violently while you sit there watching yourself die, slowly and painfully. The second was not much better, it uses six cannons and your character must move between them.  This is not bad, but it takes so much time to move between cannons that it doesn’t work well, and honestly just sounds idiotic. The best of three is the third, known as manual controls, in which you use the touch screen to slide your character; a little unresponsive but for the most part it works well.

Gameplay: the game is a repetitive, boring piece of bullcrap. You shoot pigs, then more pigs, then more pigs, then more pigs. The pigs may change a little and the same with your weapon, but it’s almost the same thing. It gets boring fast, and is not that fun to start with. It is like a horrible flash game. I felt obligated to get my money’s worth, but that Is simply not possible. Bleh!  I feel like vomiting from just thinking about it. 

Recap: the graphics are ok, the controls are barely functional, and the gameplay is BULL CRAP.

Graphics: 7/10 Conrtols: 4/10 Gameplay: 2/10

Overall: 4/10 BULLCRAP!!!

Sincerely, The Unknown Unicorn