Cat-Nabbin' Zombies! © Ironblight Software, LLC: Saving Cats is Good, Killing Zombies is Fun, and it’s all free!!

This is a new game on the app store, and it is just awesome.  The premise of the game: you are a granny hillbilly protecting your cats from being killed by zombies. You protect them by shooting zombies with your shotgun, which sounds very cool (well, way cooler than gardening, no?). The game is very simple fun, and is in my opinion a must-buy (actually a must-download, it’s free!). 

Graphics: They are very good, features 3d models. The zombies come and try to steal the cats, they come slowly and there are some different types, regular zombies, fat zombies, and other specials kinds. They look very good, props to the developers for the good gameplay models. The game has grayscale colors, it suits it well. Blood comes flying out of the zombies after you shoot them. Overall, very good graphics; especially because it’s free. 

Controls:  You swipe to move your camera view, and tap to shoot (I shot a lot of cats by mistakeL). The controls are very responsive and easy to use. They make killing zombies a breeze. Oh, how I love to kill zombies (and NOT PLANT THINGS).  This game has very good controls, and does not use the virtual joystiq.

Gameplay: Very simple gameplay; kill the zombies, (and you know how we love to kill things here at tictactouch!)  Protect your cats; try to rank up your score. The higher your score, the harder the zombies are to kill and the more come.  It gets very hard very fast, which I loved.  On a worldlier note, children of the next generation can now learn how to kill zombies!  So, when the zombie apocalypse comes in 2066, we will be in good hands!

Recap:  its free, its fun, you kill zombies… is there anymore for me to say? Wait there is! THERE IS NO GARDENING IN THE GAME.  Did I mention it was free?

Graphics:10/10  Controls:8.5/10  Gameplay:9.5/10

Overall: 9.5/10  DON’T GARDEN,  KILL ZOMBIES   

Love, The Unknown Unicorn 

Weekly AppApproval: The Karate Kid by © 2010 Sony Pictures CTMG

Unicorn: Hey man, I just downloaded the karate kid game from the app store.  It was FREE.  Wanna check it out?

Haggis: I don’t know; usually, free games are really bad.  I guess we could give it a shot.

Later…

Haggis: That was complete bull****.  Don’t ever download a ****ing free app again you ****. 

Unicorn: You’re right.  That was genuinely a horrible experience.  It made me feel like this:

Haggis: Definitely.  This is one app I wish we had not tried.  A bunch of horrible minigames tied together by a connection to a movie.  This shames Karate Kid. 

Unicorn: The graphics were, indeed, the highlight, as we cannot find anything else to say about this cocktail of crap.  Who wants horrible minigames, poor controls, and a link to a story that had nothing to do with the gameplay?  A ridiculous waste of our precious time.

DENIED

This has been a joint production by The Unknown Unicorn and The Saber-Toothed Haggis.

Gardening Mama by TAITO Corporation: A Vile Waste of My Life and 99 Cents

I feel like my eyeballs have burnt out of their sockets from simply playing this absolutely atrocious ‘game’ (if it can be so called).  The premise: you are a ‘gardening mama’ (which is a contradiction in itself, as all mothers are gardeners), who must plant things in her garden, and open a bunch of random packets.  I wish one of those packets had contained a BOMB.

Graphics: Exactly the same as cooking mama (a much better game), but the graphics are truly the high point of this app.  Seriously, this is not saying much.

Controls: The controls are the most cumbersome that I have ever experienced.  You are expected to cut packets of seeds, plant seeds in the ground, and then harvest the full-grown plants.  This can be accomplished by touching your screen in certain ways; however, this often accomplishes nothing, because the game does not recognize any of your commands.  Ultimately, these controls suck @$$.

Gameplay: Does it even sound like a fun premise?!  Who the hell wants to garden on their iPod?  That’s what gardens are for!!!  The minigames are tedious and extremely boring; honestly, this feels less like a game and more like a punishment.  I would rather KILL MY FAVOURITE CHIHUAHUA THAN PLAY THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A GAME.

Recap: I feel like I have DIED A LITTLE INSIDE from simply playing this horrible game.  I wish I had spent my time watching paint dry instead.  Avoid at all costs, go and buy pocket chef.

Graphics: 6/10 Controls: 2/10 Gameplay: -14/10

Overall: 1/10      DREADFUL

Sincerely,

The Saber-Toothed Haggis and The Unknown Unicorn

Truckers Delight: Episode 1 by © 2010 Mobigame & Third Side Records: This is why you never get a trucker angry

This is tailgating turned into a GAME. If you get angry when driving, or find yourself wanting to kill the gentleman in the car in front of you, buy this game. You are a Trucker who gets flipped off by a Blonde in a convertible, and now it is time for you to take your revenge by bashing into her car's rear bumper.  It is another high score based iphone game, but I never seen one like it (both in gameplay, and the hilarious premise).





Graphics:  The games looks great, and very unique. It has a 16-bit look, while still capturing 3D. My only complaint is that the surrounding never changes, and the scenery gets boring after a while. The opening cut scene, of the Trucker staring at the blonde, and her flipping him off, is downright hilarious; it sets you up for the game, and never gets old.

Controls: It uses tilt controls; they work very well. Tilt left and right to move side-to-side, and tilt forward to accelerate. The controls make it easy to hit the convertible, without problems.


Gameplay: The game involves you crashing into a convertible constantly. The game becomes a addiction with every crash, you feel amazing; this is only amplified when you have a combo system, hitting four times in a short time gives you combos. The trucker is ugly and hilarious. Much like many other Iphone games, going for the highscore keeps you coming back!

Recap: This game is Vulgarity at its best!(in the words of the developers). A gift for all those with road rage issues. an instant iphone classic and only 99 cents

Graphics: 8/10 Controls: 8.5/10 Gameplay: 9.5/10

Overall: 9/10      BUY IT, NOW!!!!!!!

Love, The Unknown Unicorn

The Impossible Game by © 2010 FlukeDude Ltd: My Thumb Hurts and I'm Short 99 Cents

Repetitive gaming at its finest.  In the impossible game, one must guide an orange square through a maze of spikes and platforms, avoiding all obstacles in your way.  What is that square running from, anyway?  Circles, probably (I’ve never trusted circles).  There is only one level available for free, with others available for in-app purchase.  So, does the game live up to its title?

Graphics: Quite nice, actually.  Simple, geometrical figures, yet with bright colors that amplify and enrich the landscape which- oh, what the hell, it’s pretty.  The color orange is nice.  I think that Christopher Columbus discovered it when he made his trip to Uranus.  I cannot verify this information, however, because I am stupid.

Controls: Only one button; tap to jump.  I have pressed this button at least a thousand times.  My thumb feels less like a finger and more like a dead-weight attached to my hand.  Anyway, the control system works, as you would expect it would for a game of the run and jump genre.

Gameplay: This is where the app shines.  Addictive, ‘just one more go’ gameplay provides a priceless experience for those into games such as Canabalt and Super Quickhook.  Levels are well designed to fit the title of the app (hint: the word we’re looking for is between the and game).  Extra levels provide new features, such as the screen turning upside down (but, unbeknownst to the developers, gamers can flip the game upside down to make the screen right-side up!).  All in all, however, the levels are a bit too similar.  Talking dinosaurs would have done wonders for this category.  If only I had told the developer to put them in the new levels…

Recap: Good repetitive gameplay and the graphics fit the feel of the game.  The control system satisfies, although I will never truly recover.  All in all, a good waste of 99 cents.

Graphics: 9/10 Controls: 9/10 Gameplay: 8/10

Overall: 8.5/10       ENTERTAINING

Yours Truly,

The Saber-Toothed Haggis

Super Mega Worm by © 2010 Deceased Pixel LLC: killing things is fun and only 99 cents

This app allows you to become a giant, mutated worm, wreaking havoc on the earth’s population (which apparently is composed entirely of red-necks).  This should be enough for the majority of readers to rush to the app store, but no game is without its flaws. 

Graphics: Very 16-bit, which, in our opinion, is a good thing.  Nothing new to see here, but it satisfies the retro-feel. 

Controls: Eehhh, not much good.  Three control systems come with the game; they have the inherent problems that touch screen controls often have.  The tilting system is downright awful and is impossible to use, while the slider controls can take time getting used to.  We found that the d-pad was the easiest to control.

Gameplay: Enjoyable.  Who wouldn’t want to wipe out the entire human race, and all the animals with it?  Some different gameplay options are available; for example, ostriches run fast and are hard to catch, while some tanks have spikes for protection and must be smashed from below.  All in all however, it comes down to killing, killing, killing.  The game offers no other modes as of yet.

Recap: 16-bit retro graphics, only one true control system, yet enjoyable gameplay.  Bugs are small and hard to find.  Inexpensive, and some fun could be had.  In our opinion, wait for Playcreek’s official creation, Death Worm. 

Graphics: 8.5/10 Gameplay: 7/10 Controls: 2/10

Final Judgment: 7.5/10  Good Game

 Yours Truly, The Saber-Toothed Haggis

First Review !!!!

Welcome!

Welcome to TicTacTouch, your source for iPod game reviews and breath mints!  Unfortunately, we’re out of stock, so only reviews are available until such time that we receive enough money to purchase more.  The site will be conducted by your friends, The Unknown Unicorn and The Saber-Toothed Haggis.  We will try to submit a review for you, the readers, every day (unless we feel lazy).  Check back every day for a new review, weekly best, and new app store gems. 

Best Wishes,

The TicTacTeam